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Bans and Rules



One should consider that a perfect religion - such as ours - doesn't need no rules at all.

But the Flying Spaghetti Monster taught us differently. On Mt. Salsa, He gave His Pirate Mosey and his crew of cooks the rules known today as the "Eight I'd Really Rather You Didn'ts". 

Those rules can be found on the next page, novice. They're so utterly fulfilling that we wouldn't dare to deal with them right here, only participating in another context.

This page deals with the more nasty things that conventional religions usually come up with, and with the solution real Pastafarianism has to offer for it: the dogma.




Just about any religious community in existence has or had dogmas*. Real-true Pastafarians won't exactly make an exception here, so please don't get us wrong. Actually, we have everything to offer that you'll find in other religions, only better, remember?


Having dogmas on display seems to be essentially important for any ambitious, upcoming religious group these days, so we just can't afford leaving this concept unnoticed, and if it were for the image only. After all, we have obligations to make to the market, and since we reject aggressive missioning activities as much as the conventional dogma, we have to come up  with way more convincing concepts, just to keep up our value - because, folks, let's face it:


Dogma sells!


And honestly: Arrghnt it just a tickling bit seductive, that thought?  Telling all you landlubbers what's right from wrong? - Well, there's only one snag. We found out that our figure of "right" and "wrong" doesn't necessarily match with those of our Brothers and Sisters in Pasta. Pity, but people are different among from one another. His Sense Of Humor, you know.


That's the way these things go, right?


Since there can't be what may not be - after all, we are the real true religion, therefore flawless by definition - we had to re-think the whole concept of the dogma. As to be expected, it didn't take long until the Flying Spaghetti Monster enlightened us with an idea, as bold it is than it is obviously more powerful compared to the conventional dogma:


The Catpa**


The Catpa** is a mere logical alternative to the dogma. Indeed, it offers the very same advantages and possibilities to those who intend to instruct lessons - which will usually be high ranking representatives of the Real True Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, or at least those who think they are - rather than the classical dogma does to dignitaries of other religions.

And yet, the Catpa is so much more, it's simply way cooler and way more innovative and simply phatter than the classical dogma of other religious communities.




Yeah, sure, if you want to so badly. You know, the great thing about being a pirate is that you don't have to care for what any dignitaries or representatives want you to f***ing take care of. We're "outlaws qua lege", we sense ourselves quite a bit off the remaining community.


Since we don't exactly stick to the law, as little as to morals and conventions all day long, it's no wonder that every now and then, we'd love to find some R'n'R in just having some monstdamn rules. You know - like you always wanted the toy of that other boy in kindergarten.


That's another thing the real true religion handles very differently, compared to it's competitors on the market. With most of the other religions, their insiders will question their dogmas' legitimacy sooner or later. Opposing such an understanding of the dogma concept, Pastafarians would embrace having strict rules sometimes.


Now you tell me, seaman: How urgent could it ever become to introduce some rules, since those affected by them would actively want them to become rules?


That's why the real true religion didn't come up with dogmas. What we do have instead is what we call "Catpas". 




Do As You Would Be Done By


The Catpa and the dogma are to each one another, as the cat is to the dog. That's in fact why it says CATpa and DOGma.


While dogs are said to be devoted to their owners in foolish adhesion, cats are far better known for themselves being their own cats, and that they would push it no matter what their owners ever wanted.


Now, this is pretty similar to the Catpas' nature: While, of course Catpas always represent unfailing wisdom, every single pirate decides for him- or herself whether or whether not to keep up to it!


In other words: one pirate's rules will cause only those permits to achieve which you'd like to, seaman.

You're in control. You're the capt'n.


Say, is that something!?


The Catpa surely is a real innovation on the religious market, presented by the Real True Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. - Well then: you certainly would expect some real bang of a real true religion anyway, wouldn't you. The Catpa, however, is something we're really proud of!


There's no pompous scraggy-bearded folks**** within the real true religion - at least not that we knew of. Mayhaps you'll find a guy or two talking way too much, and way too into their own sense, but heck, you don't have to care, like nobody has to. That's what's so great about the Catpa.


If you want to stand up to one's Catpa, just do it.

If you don't want to, simply leave it alone, pirate.


After all, we're real true Pastafarians. We don't want to push our view of the world on anybody. It's not us who likes to tell you how to think, to dress or how to have sex with one another. In other words: You like to have sex with a colander on your head while thinking of a hollow earth? Go ahead.


The only rules we follow are the Eight I'd Really Rather You Didn'ts,  which you can find and study on the following page.


With this in mind, we'll raise the stacks for you once more, Pastafarian aspirant. We really find our religious privileges convincing, as you see.

Enter the real true religion today or, at least, adore it. In return, you'll automatically receive both the God-Back-Guarantee (for we're quite sure that you won't need it anyway) plus no dogmas, but solely Catpas. Guaranteed.


Say, ain't that doozy?



* dogma (n), pl.: dogmas, dogmata: (old gr. δόγμα, dógma,

“opinion, theorem; determination, edict“)

** catpa (n), pl.: catpas, catpata: (new engl. catpa, “opinion, theorem; determination, give a f***“)


*** God-Back-Guarantee (n), pl.: God-Back-Guarantees: (relig. Expression, „flop, banality; emptiness“)


**** Surely, anyone can let his / her hair grow as he / she likes. We're Pastafarians. See also IRRYD I on the following page.

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